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Amanda Stidam is a LOSSTeam member (www.lossteam.com). She relates her mother’s suicide one day after her 35th birthday, which became a dividing point in her life. She felt alone and didn’t find resources until later. She now dedicates herself to helping make sure there are resources in her county.

She discusses generational issues with respect to mental illness.

Difficulties communicating with her husband and daughter surfaced over time. A big part of the difficulty was the loss of her mother whom Amanda focused on keeping happy. The death left Amanda having to decide who she would be.

Amanda compartmentalized and became and expert “plate spinner.” She became extremely task-oriented.

Through therapy she learned to like herself and process her mother’s suicide.

When working on the LOSSTeam and making contact with a recent survivor she goes back in time to her mother’s suicide and uses that experience to help the recent survivor.

Amanda shares the tools she uses for herself in helping others to deal with being recent survivors.

Her advice to someone who feels lost right now is this: “You matter!”

Amanda describes how to get a lost one’s name on her marathon running shirt via a Facebook link Suicide Sucks Run.

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Winona Barstow is a suicide survivor and LOSSTeam member (www.lossteam.com). The LOSSTeam provides comfort and support without giving advice or therapy. It directs the survivor towards resources that can help.

Winona was 10 years old when she experienced the loss of her loved one, her mother. She received no counseling and was told to accept it and just move on. The next 10 years were very rough. She looked and acted like her deceased mother, which triggered her primary caregiver, her grandmother.

Her grandmother dies 5 years after her mother. Winona was then forced to live with another relative followed by becoming a ward of the state.

This led to drugs and alcohol plus tumultuous marriages.

Eventually, she attempted suicide herself.

Under the care of an empathetic counselor Winona started transitioning by going back to age 10 and moving forward. It has helped her with her own children and improving her own mental health.

Being on the LOSSTeam has helped her recovery by being able to be present for others.

Winona is pleased with how she has reclaimed her life. Counseling has helped her get the focus off herself and instead help others.

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Phyllis Crevison is a survivor of suicide who talks about the loss of her son and her recovery path that led her to joining the LOSSTeam (http://www.lossteam.com/).

Phyllis shares the difficulties her son experienced including difficulties i romantic relationships plus education and challenges in the military.

The one big thing she came to realize is even if it is someone you think will never do it, you don’t know how desperate they might be. Fear of death can disappear. They are just looking for a path out of the suffering.

Phyllis talks about the initial shock she felt that seemed like an unrealistic dream pushing her to the edge and the gratitude she has for the compassion shown by the LOSSTeam that showed up after her son completed suicide. Now, as a LOSSTeam member herself she tells of the empathy she can bring to the situation.

Phyllis emphasizes the need to take the loss one day at a time. There can be times that one gets triggered and needs to just take it as it comes.

Building a remembrance scrap book with her son’s friends was hard but healing.

Again, her advice to listeners of this podcast is to take it one day at a time and work through it. It CAN get better.

She emphasizes the importance of respecting the reality that different people have different paths back to health.

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Greta Mayer chairs the Suicide Prevention Coalition (http://www.mhrb.org/suicide-prevention.aspx) in Clark, Greene, and Madison Counties in Ohio as of Sept, 2014.

She talks about interfacing with suicide survivors and what she, as a professional, has learned from survivors.

In addition to making positive connections, Greta brings up the need to expand LOSSTeams in order to provide more services, especially with regards to survivors understanding other survivors. Clinicians can only go so far.

Also, clinicians and agencies themselves need additional resources in order to build a peer-to-peer connection network for supporting the suicide survivor and all the aspects of their life which is impacted by suicide.

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Dr. David Miers (http://www.bryanhealth.com/) share the misconceptions suicide survivors run into on a routine basis. These misconceptions stigmatize survivors to the extent they will choose to stay quiet and withdraw. This is especially true with regards to being asked, “Why?” as to why their loved one completed suicide.

Another question that can make the situation even worse is, “Why aren’t you over it yet?”

What is needed is the understanding grief is a process and journey requiring support and listening rather than statements such as, “Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.”

In terms of providing support what is better is doing the work of providing space for the survivor to process and remember what is good about the deceased individual. Communication is key. This is one of the key activities the LOSSTeam (www.lossteam.com) provides. The LOSSTeam supports the family and social structure heal and stay intact.

A large component of this is understanding and helping overcome the fear survivors feel. Support individuals can simply ask open-ended, neutral questions such as, “Tell me about your loved one,” and not comment.

How LOSSTeams work and can be called upon is explained. There is no counseling or therapeutic activity. There is just listening and pointing towards resources that can help.

Families who don’t contact LOSSTeams or similar support resources can take up to five years to reach out and ask for support. Those who had contact with the LOSSTeam reached out to resources within 39 days.

Postvention (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postvention) is defined: reaching out for support after the loved one completed suicide.

Local county health boards can be contacted to find support.

For the LOSSTeam to be effective the survivor support network needs to be in place.

Dr. Miers shares how common it is for those who are suicide survivors to have thoughts of suicide themselves, being 9 times more at risk than the general population. Thus, the importance of reaching out for support after a loved one has completed suicide.

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Dr. Don Belau (http://www.nelossteam.nebraska.edu/) shares his thoughts on two topics: his research and work on bullying and the separate topic of the history of the LOSSTeam (www.lossteam.com) conference and the benefits it provides.

With regards to the LOSSTeam conference: it provides a forum for LOSSTeams from around the world to come together and share their work, insights, and, experience. He emphasizes how this work has helped build trust with law enforcement agencies at a local level.

Dr. Belau describes the dynamics of bullying, self-injurious behavior, their impact on at-risk-for-suicide children, and how to deal with the situation. A critical component for success is the acceptance of the at-risk child by their family. Friends and other key adults are important as well since the at-risk child may approach parents last, talking with others first.

Behavior techniques for changing behavior are explained for both the bully and victim. Included in these changes are the 3 D’s:

– Diffuse the words;
– Distract the bully’s thinking through verbal or physical techniques, and;
– Distance oneself from the bully.

Roll play and practice is encouraged.

The impact of fear and loss of control are discussed.

Schools can form support groups to practice the 3 D’s.

The impact of peer groups is discussed along with the ineffectiveness of just shaming/blaming the bully and calling their parents. Giving up on the bully can hinder improving the situation for the at-risk child. Better is teaching the bully pro-social skills, different responses, and the value of making amends.

Switching topics back to the LOSSTeams and what they can provide: support to those who survive suicide. The is especially true when those around the survivor go back to their daily routines.

The idea of having a sponsor frame-of-mind is discussed.

Dr. Belau shares the value of better training for 2 groups of people:

– Clinicians helping those with suicidal ideation as well as survivors of suicide, and;
– Those in colleges and universities training in the field of mental health.

Emphasis is placed on healing with the heart rather than only having a cognitive focus.

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Dr. Melinda Moore talks about her current area of research which is military suicide bereavement. She has also worked in the nonmilitary sectors as well.

She references her website www.posttraumaticgrowth.com which was used for her dissertation research. It now is open to the general public for those who are interested in bereavement information.

The potential for growth in an individual who has been berieved by suicide is presented.

This post traumatic growth is a positive psychological construct that occurs with individuals who have experience psychological trauma.

Dr. Moore describes the loss of her husband Connor in 1996 and how reading Dr. Edwin edit Edwin Shneidman’s book, “The Suicidal Mind,” was beneficial in dealing with the unrealistic, tremendous responsibility she felt for issues outside of her control. This can tend to be a gender-based issue since women typically are the caretakers and their family.

Shneidman discusses how women can be held responsible for their husband’s suicide.

Dr. Moore discusses the risk of falling into a shame state which frequently is reinforced by those around the survivor. This can reinforce the internalization of the suicide and withdrawal from society that the survivor is feeling.

Dr. Moore’s advice to a listener who’s experiencing that withdrawal is go to the Internet and find as much information as you can from reputable organizations such as the American Association of Suicidology (www.suicidology.org), books by Jack Jordan and John McIntosh, Frank Campbell’s website (www.LOSSteams.com), and other sources referred to in podcast. Suicide bereavement organizations are also recommended. References can be found at the American Association of Suicidology.

Seeking out local support groups as well as online support groups is highly encouraged.

The stereotypes that men can run into when they are survivors of suicide are discussed. This includes the stereotype of men being expected to hide their feelings in difficult situations and when feeling pain.

Survivors are encouraged to let go of beating themselves up over the belief that there were some signs they had missed regarding the loved one considering suicide.

However, if some loved one does indicator having thoughts of suicide then be supportive in helping them find the proper resources.

The challenges parents face when there are surviving children are also discussed. There is a very complicated balancing act required for the parents not only deals with throne grief but is supportive of the surviving children in dealing with their grief. Seeking immediate help from competent professionals is strongly recommended. It is important to keep in mind that not all psychological professionals are trained in addressing the issues associated with suicide. The Dougy Center for Grieving Children (http://www.dougy.org) is a great resource for grieving children as well as parents.

Dr. Moore talks about the personal satisfaction she is felt by helping others who have gone through the experience of losing a loved one through suicide.

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Dr. Frank Campbell (www.lossteam.com) describes how the LOSSteam was created to provide support (postvention) for those left behind after someone completes suicide.He found through his years of practice people at risk for suicide would have reached out for help sooner if they knew where to go. People who did find resources did so through stumbling across available resources.

Childhood and generational issues and the connection with suicide are discussed.

Dr. Campbell shares the challenges of people not familiar with crime scene etiquette showing up to help survivors of suicide.

LOSSteams developed around the need to support survivors of suicide while practicing the appropriate etiquette to avoid contaminating a potential homicide scene.

The stresses the surviving family and loved ones face at the scene are described along with what the LOSSteams can provide in terms of support.

Dr. Melinda Moore’s presentation on posttraumatic growth is woven into the discussion. Those who have recovered from major trauma can gain a sense of the work that needs to be done as a suicide survivor and take on the challenge. In fact, by doing this they might be better able to help others who have survived suicide.

The difference between grief, trauma, and bereavement is presented.

Victor Frankel’s, and Joseph Campbell’s, along with Gestalt therapy and psychodrama’s understanding one can’t think their way through trauma is used to show the need to work through one’s individual trauma with proper support in order to heal. This is especially true when working through day-to-day reminders that can feel insane.

The use of a talisman and healing representing the deceased is shown to be valuable when working to stay connected to self.

Dr. Campbell shows how the survivor can get back into life and feel well.

The LOSSteam members do best just being with the survivor initially, seeing them as they are, and pointing the way towards health without counseling.

The disorientation associated with suicide is compared to the untethered experience of astronauts in the movie “Gravity.”

Dr. Campbell closes discussing the growth that has occurred with LOSSteams in Ohio and the good feeling that goes with it. For more information go to www.lossteams.com.

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